John Hamer, as the little drummer boy (he wore the outfit and everything), pounds away on the Biblical nativity narrative:

Come, they told him, parum-pa-pum-pum
Smack down this Christmas thing, parum-pa-pum-um
John Hamer knows a thing (or two), parum-pa-pum-um
Even if he can’t quite sing, parum-pa-pum-um, rum-pa-pum-um, rum-pa-pum-um
Randy and Glenn try to keep up , parum-pa-pum-um
Heather shows her Harvard stuff, parum-pa-pum-um
She’s sort of the real Hermione, parum-pa-pum-um
Or Lisa Simpson Queen parum-pa-pum-um, rum-pa-pum-um, rum-pa-pum-um
Man, this is dumb