Infants on Thrones

The Philosophies of Men, Mingled with Humor

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Little Factories

In 1976, our favorite LDS Apostle, Boyd K. Packer gave a talk in priesthood session “To Young Men Only” that was not subsequently published in the Ensign the following month, nor can it be found as a conference talk on LDS.org today. It was turned into a pamphlet in 1981 “To Young Men Only” and that text is available on LDS.org but the audio and video are not on the official website of the LDS church.

But we Infants found an audio copy. And in this episode, Glenn, Tom, Matt, and Jake dissect it as it has never been dissected before. Hold on to your little factories, cuz this is gonna be a good one.

  • BF

    I believe it was originally published as, “To The One” almost immediately after the 1976 speech.
    Signed, -Big Factory.

    • Glen

      Actually, “To the One” was to gay priesthood holders and you could only get one from your bishop. It was different.

  • http://swearingelders.blogspot.com/ Swearing Elder

    Some of you mentioned that you weren’t familiar with this talk/pamphlet as young men? Really? I remember getting a copy of the brochure from one of my quorum teacher (as a deacon or teacher). In fact, I received a mimeographed copy of that Mark E. Petersen “anti-masturbation” tips, too. Maybe I got both from the same teacher — probably a guy with some major sexual hangups!

  • Elder Vader

    This episode was the bomb. I gave you guys a 5 star rating before, but this episode deserves a 6 star rating. Everyone is on their game.

  • Allison

    I think using the term *little* factories projects a bit of a patronizing tone to his *little* message. I also interpret it as a term of endearment. It’s both a little self-loathing and a little self-loving, but not too much of the latter, because, well…you know.

    I’m adding to my list of things to do if I were a dude for a day: spend some time with the Infants doing our best Packer impressions.

    • Matt

      I think that’s a pretty astute observation Allison. It’s like being a little bit country and a little bit rock and roll!

      • Allison

        Extra points for an Osmond reference!

  • Zelph

    I must have been in the minority because I interpreted my “little white blessings” as God’s favor and grace for me having kicked the ol’ habit while I was on my mission. I never once basted the turkey, but FREQUENTLY experienced nocturnal emissions (At least twice a week) I was obedient and engaged in the work just as much as the next guy and figured as a result God countenanced the abundant excess that my little factory was putting out.
    On another note, I do recall having read that analogy that Packard gave vis a vis the mind is like a stage, and it’s your responsibility in choosing who holds court…I don’t remember if that was in the Preach My Gospel handbook or somewhere else, but I do recall desperately trying to control my thoughts–literally trying imagine a stage and trying to boot off the booty whenever anything like that came to mind. Subconsciously though I must have failed cuz boy, there was no shutting down this assembly line.
    Two weeks after my mission I manually took over, as it were, and felt as if a damn of pent up guilt broke and felt the worst, sickest, most painful remorse ever in my entire life. (No superlative, no exaggeration) I would only wish that feeling on my worst enemy, in this case the Packman for perpetuating this emotionally manipulating paradigm/construct bullshit. Asshole. I can only imagine that for a super awesome gay person that emotional Calvary must be like 25 fold and never-ending, like having your soul pinioned to a brazier.

  • Jill Searle

    ‘In the last days’, while being marginalized, I was called to serve as the librarian for our ward. My first act–destroy the ‘little factory’ brochures. So I threw them all in the trash and didn’t order any. When they were requested by quorum leaders I just told them they were on back order.

    Proud to say not a single pamphlet went out on my watch. :o)

  • Dino Breeze

    FAP FAP FAP FAP

  • Chad

    My poor, innocent daughter is traumatized that you put her “itune/closing prayer” promo sandwiched between verses of My Ding A Ling, and in a episode dealing exclusively with young males masterbating.

    She was uncomfortable enough, she didn’t make it 15 minutes…. just scrolled to the end to see if the promo was included.

    Did you think that through Glenn? Inserting a young female voice like toy did? If so, brilliant.

    I thought it was pretty damn hilarious.

    Another good episode. Thanks.

    • Glenn

      In the spirit of gender equality — after all the lopsided phallic jokes — that closing outro was really the only appropriate choice. Go Beavers!

      • Chad

        OMG Glenn! That is exactly what my wife said. It was all about the Beaver.

        Love it my friend. Once again. Great episode.

    • Zelph

      Greater love hath no one than this, to share home brew with his son/daughter while listening to IOT. You just might deserve the title of world’s greatest dad.

  • Vic Ferrari

    My factory is huge.

  • HuskySouth

    Listening to this podcast inspired me to create the following infographic this morning.

    http://imgur.com/Os05JA5
    It is currently trending as one of the hottest post on the exmormon reddit. Thanks guys!!

  • Craig Keeling

    @Glenn, on the topic of “little” factories, isn’t it simply because a factory is typically a huge building on a plot of land, where the factory inside you producing semen is much smaller in comparison?

    Also, what about the common Mormon thinking of attributing the reason males are born with the desire to release early so that they can develop self-discipline and restraint? So it prepares them for the rest of life?

    It’s all bullshit of course, but wanted to put these out there since no one brought them up :)

    • Glenn

      My wife had a really smart take on this as she was listening with me. She said that the “little” could be there to de-emphasize the power it should have over you. In the mind/body dynamic, a little factory of the body is easier to control and master than a non-little factory. I thought that was a pretty good explanation.

  • Dan

    I, in addition to Jake, also had some friends in high school (who also lived in my ward) who were very open about their masturbating. They even came off as proud about masturbating frequently. They didn’t only do this with close group of friends, but openly in public and in front of girls.

    These were not ‘weirdies’ in the school. They were the high school football stars and student body officers and very popular.

    Maybe its a sign of the times…

    • Matt

      That is something we didn’t acknowledge. Jake is quite a bit younger than the othe quorum members, so maybe kids that went to school in the 2000s were more open about these things.

  • Blorg Jorgensson

    I couldn’t stop noticing the hilarious, creepy way he said “bo-dy” after Glenn pointed it out. Every single time. I also noticed it once with “alrea-dy.”

  • Stevie Witticus

    While listening to this episode, I discovered that I can do a fairly good BKP voice. Now I can’t stop doing it! Is there a brochure for this?

    • Johnno

      yeah, there’s one from Boyd K Packer from a few years ago, it’s called “Little Phonies”

  • Greggles

    There are some weird patterns that I noticed that were a bit different then you guys. Likening controlling sexual impulses to aggression in particular was pretty alarming to me. Condoning gay bashing. Talking about you body in terms of mechanical factory.Talk about a breading ground for future sexual perpetrators. While the IOT commentators speculated about Packer’s possible same sex attraction. I wonder about his thought process being predatory….. That is of course speculation, but I do wonder.

    • Matt

      That’s an interesting point. Connecting sexuality to a mechanical, aggressive act is pretty troubling. Either way, I think it certainly demonstrates an unhealthy approach to sex, sexuality, and body function (3 pattern).

  • Don

    Guy’s – I liked the discussion. Thought I would weigh in with a perspective from someone who was in the Priesthood Session when Packer gave this address. I was 16 at the time. While I now see the ridiculousness and shame of much that was said, at the time, I had no idea about any of this stuff, and was grateful for the education that Packer had provided.

    I had my first wet dream when 14 and thought it was evidence that I was sinful – I had masturbated daily for 9 months when I was 13-14, then had stopped cold-turkey the day that my freshman released-time seminary teacher told the class that if any of us were masturbating (or committing adultery or fornication) we deserved to be excommunicated! When, within a week or so after stopping “Self Abuse” I had my first wet-dream, I was horrified that while I had stopped, my body was continuing to do “the act” on it’s own!

    FYI my dad was sitting with me during the session. He had said nothing to me before this, nothing on the drive home, or at anytime later. So Packer was correct regarding my father, and I dare say most of that generation regarding their freezing up when it came to talking about sexuality. with their sons.

    • Don

      I thought of something I wanted to add. Regarding your postulating that Boyd Packer may have had closeted Same Sex Attraction – I sincerely doubt it. But one for whom I would not be surprised to learn that this was the case was Spencer Kimball. His sexual rantings in “Miracle of Forgiveness” to me were clear evidence of someone who had inner sexual turmoil.

      i also read in his autobiography how when he and his spouse had the occasion to visit the ruins of Pompeii that he was quite enamored with the depictions of men with large phalluses in the murals painted on the walls of the bath houses. Apparently he made her wait outside feeling it was not proper to exposure her to the ancient porn, but then afterward couldn’t stop talking about what he saw inside. I’m just sayin…

      • Duke of Earl Grey

        Good point. Kimball was church president at the time of the Little Factories talk and pamphlet, and had written Miracle of Forgiveness some years before, so maybe Packer was merely parroting Kimball’s talking points about homosexuality rather than speaking from personal experience.

  • Brandon Miller

    This was one of my favorite episodes. Well done!

    I just completely hate listening to conference talks with all of the lip smacking, spittle and gulping sounds. Gross! Packer and Monson are notorious for this and it sounds disgusting.

    And Matt, what is with calling Packer “Packerd” through the whole episode! ;-)

    • Matt

      I explained this to the guys, but it didn’t make the recording. It’s kindof like calling someone you don’t like the wrong name.
      Me: “Hey Janice”
      Girl: “My name’s Jenny”
      Me: “Whatever Janice”
      Girl – walking away
      Me: “What’s wrong with Janice?”

      • Brandon Miller

        So just a passive-aggressive dig at Mr. Packerd then. That’s funny. How Mormon of you :)

  • Vic Ferrari

    Okay, so last week I said the episode was un-listen-able (which was too harsh); this episode was a total redemption! This is why I love this podcast! Nice work, fellas. Perfect analysis of this epic Mormon masterpiece by Packer: hilarious, approaches the topic smartly.

  • DisQuoi

    I loves the episode … maybe one of your best!

    But for the sake of the kids listening, I want to clarify something that Glenn said. Semen is NOT produced in the testicles. Only the sperm comes from the testicles and sperm make up less than 5% of the “substance” by volume.

    Rather, the bulk of semen comes from the seminal vesicles and prostate. This is why when a man as a radical prostatectomy (removal of the prostate as part of cancer treatment), he issues no “product” at all.

    Knowing is half the battle!

  • Utahhiker801

    It’s really great to hear a group of apparently straight guys speak in defense of gay guys who were subjected to this pamphlet. It has caused decades of self-loathing and contributed to far too many suicides. So, thanks.

  • Chris

    I had just turned 12 years old when I went to my first Priesthood Session of General Conference – in Oct of 1976. No one had ever spoken to me about sexuality in any way, so this talk was literally my first experience in which anyone discussed these things. I listened with a sincere and open heart to this message because I believed that God was speaking directly to me through his prophets.

    Unfortunately, I was also experiencing an awakening same-sex attraction that I did not expect or understand, but this talk taught me exactly how the manly men of the church dealt about that issue. I walked out of that meeting with one unshakable conviction – I was not, and never would be, one of THOSE guys.

    And I lived up to it. I missioned, married, and mormoned my life to the hilt. Imagine my surprise to find that after 25 years of marriage to my spouse, and 4 children, those feelings of SSA are stronger than ever and we are both feeling unfulfilled in a sexually frustrating situation. I wonder if I can sue Pres. Packer for his TERRIBLE life advice to me on that day, something that has literally affected my entire life for the worse and that I still do not know how to resolve.

    I appreciated your mention of those who may have married in a sincere effort to do what their Priesthood leaders told them to do, with a promise that we would be blessed, healed, and cured because of our faithfulness. I think there may be more of us out there than anyone realizes. And we didn’t need to be cured.

    • Glenn

      Wow. So complicated and so sorry, Chris. Thanks for sharing. I re-watched Packer’s comments from the 2007(?) PBS Documentary “The Mormons” and his response to the three greatest threats quote (Intellectuals, Feminists, and Homosexuals). He basically justified his statement by saying that those three things ultimately lead to unhappiness. I’m sure he bases that on some warped ideal instead of anything based in reality. What tragically uninformed advice.

      • Chris

        You’re right, Glenn, though I feel like it’s kind-of implicit in the calling of “Mouthpiece of God” for him to ask God if his words are ideal or informed. Of course, now we know better.

        In fact, he was perfectly correct in his analysis of the greatest threats to the church. If you have a brain and use it, if you believe that all people are truly created equal, and if you believe that love is actually about the person you love regardless of who they are, then you ARE a threat to the Mormon church and the Plan of Salvation. As Bro. Jake expressed, I can’t imagine how the Plan of Salvation can be modified to accept all the variations of thought, equality and sexuality that exist in the world.

        Someone mentioned blood has been spilt because of these teachings. That is an absolutely terrible thing. But many more people than those who have committed suicide have made tragic life-directing decisions because of this message and others like it. And these messages are STILL OUT THERE, waiting for young people seeking advice on how to live their lives to find and follow. One of the reasons I am still in the church is to act as an antidote for this poison in every circumstance I come across. Pressure from both within and without the church gives me hope for a brighter future, but it comes too late for many like me.

        BTW, fellow Japanese missionary here, Sendai, 80′s. Ganbatte, ne! :-)

  • Bryan

    I’m a new listener to the IOT podcast. This was the first episode I listened to and I have to say you’ve got a new fan. From the “I’m Too Sexy” intro to the discussion of your favorite “dream” and the BKP imitation, you guys were hilarious! KUDOS !!!

  • Johnno

    Great podcast. When Matt mentioned about that little cartoon “from Sesame Street” I knew what he meant, but knew it wasn’t Sesame Street, so I’ve spent the last few days trying to track it down, it was driving me crazy… I think (hope) this is the reference: http://vimeo.com/73281888 (the distinctive music is around 4:30). Cheers

    • Glenn

      FWIW, it was Tom, not Matt, who mentioned the cartoon music. Thanks for finding it!

      • Johnno

        Apologies Tom (and Matt). So funny… that this piece of music is called Powerhouse – aptly titled for “Little Factories” which generate much of the the male sex drive… I’ll never be able to think of testicles again without having this music automatically start playing in the background of my mind… Worthy Thoughts, Worthy Music

    • Tom Perry

      Ah! Looney Tunes, not sesame street! Yes! And now you got me searching and lookie what I found! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N9-7uLg-DZU

  • tribfan

    Fantastic episode, Infants. Loved the comparisons between the pamphlet and the talk as given in conference. It was insightful. Your discussion brought out so many damaging effects of the church’s approach. Thanks for another wiener, oops, winner of a podcast.

  • Ashley Kate Richardson

    Well as one one of my friends has so kindly pointed out to me, the leaflet is to young men only so…. I’m in the clear ;) women can’t mess with their creation all powers so we’re ok