I Don’t Belong Here (“Creep”)

Infant General Conference

Posted October 17th, 2016

By popular demand, here is Heather’s moving remix of Scala & Kolacny Brothers’s cover of “Creep,” featured at the end of our latest General Conference episode. Consider it a nod to the upcoming 1-year anniversary of the infamous policy change. Feel free to share it.

Heather

  • Dave

    Wow. Thank you. This was an unexpected bonus at the end of the General Conference episode. I joined you guys as part of the Dehlin bump. You’ve helped me survive the transition – kept me from feeling like I was the crazy one. You’ve articulated the frustrations I’ve felt, kept me from feeling alone, and helped me to keep my sense of humor about the whole thing. What you do is important for a lot of people. As much as I’ve enjoyed the hundreds of hours of Infants, however, I think that this is your best five minutes. Each audio clip dropped in represents an entire episode of infants and a dagger in the heart of every member who doesn’t fit in, and every ex-member who’s family and friends are being encouraged to vilify and ostracize them. The song was perfect and a beautiful performance. What a mix. Thank you. I will listen to it yet again tonight as I sip Irish Whiskey from my Brother Jake shot glass filled to the apostate line.

    • Randy_Snyder

      This comment means a lot Dave. Enjoy your Irish whiskey brother.

  • John Brown

    Thank you for this.

    I’m a Radiohead fanboy and this hit me deep. I cried, I got goosebumps, it touched me, in a totally not creepy way…..

    THANK YOU!

  • sotteson

    That was haunting, and infuriating at the same time. LGBT are just people, who want all the same things all people do. And yet the Q15 treat them like they’re the vilest of sinners for wanting to be with someone they love. The amount of damage the LDS leaders are doing is incalculable.

  • Kimberly Anderson

    Best part of this installment of IOT. It could have been this and nothing more. Scary, creepy, touching, triggering, emotional but most of all the whole package was very powerful.

  • Matthew Vernon

    wow. amazing.

  • Dennis Fuller

    I’ve listened to every episode and despite the constant pleads to participate in the online discussions this is my first post. This song is amazing! Well done guys and thanks for what you guys have done and continue to do for those leaving Mormonism.

    I guess now that I’ve posted I should go leave that so-called 5 star review…

  • Maus

    Thanks! First thing that popped into my mind listening to this song at the end of the conference episode was Brian Justin Crum. Seemed appropriate being sung by a gay guy in this context..
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RTW4IYQZSQQ

  • Dane Rowley

    I have laughed, raged, screamed and gloried in Infants minisodes and episodes before (bravo on another wicked awesome conference episode by the way) I don’t think any of them have made me as emotional though as this song did. It was deeply painful to listen to. Some of the words and clips trigger the darkest points of my faith reformation and the leadership roulette fail I had over the policy, which ultimately led to me leaving the church. But towards the end of the song, as I sang along with the children, the pain I was feeling turned to absolute peace and joy. I couldn’t stop smiling. I was filled with love for the excluded children and parents, and regardless of the pain my family is feeling or the stigma I’ll carry for doing my half-gainer off the side, I know deep down that I simply don’t belong on the good ship lolipop anymore. It was just all too much to contain. The pain cry turned to a happy cry. So thank you Heather and thank you Infants for this. It brought the lowest low and the highest high of anything else you’ve done.

  • Steven Gardner

    This is so well done.

  • Mr. D

    So powerful. Thanks for putting this together. One question though. Why the change from “fuckin special” to “very special?” I originally listened to it at the end of the conference episode and remembered the spirit being more offended by that version. It took me a minute to figure out why. The Infants pulled a Poelman on us.

    • Wanted to produce a PG version for broader consumption. It still says H-E-double toothpicks.

      • Mr. D

        It’s great either way. I’m not complaining. I was just curious. As 43 year old man that until recently had never said the F word your decision makes a lot of sense. Now when I need a little pick me up I just drop the F bomb and it always puts a smile on my face. Here’s to the little things.

      • A “cleaned up” version of the Radio Head song has been playing on the mainstream radio here lately. It’s such a great song, but it never got any airplay because the f-word is such a deal breaker for so many people (including the FCC). So I understand completely the rationale behind the sanitized version, but that song, sung by those girls, with the original words, gave me goosebumps even before it was linked to the policies of the so-called Church. It’s good to have both versions.

    • I thought it was better with the f-bomb too but regardless, this was amazing. This song has been stuck in my head since this episode was released. Great job Infants!

  • Cliff

    Powerful. Well done. If it’s not too much trouble, I’d love to see the explicit version released separately as well. For some reason the stronger words convey so much more emotion than this one.

  • Brent Egnew

    Another great Infant’s conference. Thank you for the light mindedness and loud laughter. I especially enjoyed Heather’s remix at the end, although it brought up a lot of bad memories and emotions from my brother’s suicide. But it made me feel proud to no longer be entrenched in the lies and prejudice rhetoric of the LDS church. Sadly, it took his suicide for me to see it. I’d just like to say to anyone who identifies anywhere on LGBTQ spectrum, you are special! There are people who love you! My brother didn’t know there were people who loved him because of the anti-gay, bullshit rhetoric of the LDS church. Keep living!

  • Val

    I just can’t stop listening to this song. It has touched me so deeply…more than anything you have shared. I usually can’t wait to listen to you so that I can laugh out loud in my car, but this was so different. It has been on replay all day and continues to stir my soul. Thank you for this.

  • Mensch

    Thank you for making this a stand-alone clip. Keeps me forwarding to 01:02:18 of the Conference episode. I know I commented in the Conference thread, but the spirit moves me to add to my comments.

    Heather, this is brilliant. I keep thinking that this is your exit story put to music, though perhaps only the last chapter of that story?

    The quote from Christofferson at the beginning is so jarring: “This is about family. This is about love, and especially the love of the Savior.”

    There are moments when the facade that is the church and its leadership is laid bare, and this was such a moment for me. This is Orwellian Doublethink. Can anyone objective person hear that and not see parallels to this passage from 1984 (substitute “Party” with “Church”):

    The keyword here is blackwhite. Like so many Newspeak words, this word has two mutually contradictory meanings. Applied to an opponent, it means the habit of impudently claiming that black is white, in contradiction of the plain facts. Applied to a Party member, it means a loyal willingness to say that black is white when Party discipline demands this. But it means also the ability to believe that black is white, and more, to know that black is white, and to forget that one has ever believed the contrary. This demands a continuous alteration of the past, made possible by the system of thought which really embraces all the rest, and which is known in Newspeak as doublethink. Doublethink is basically the power of holding two contradictory beliefs in one’s mind simultaneously, and accepting both of them.

    WAR IS PEACE
    FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
    IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH

    I’m so tired of Big Brother.

  • Lauren

    That was amazing. I heard it in the car and cried all the way home (remembering the admonition to keep my eyes on the road and hands on the wheel).

  • Dale Lowry

    So moving. Have listened to it over and over, and will continue doing so. Takes feelings I have been trying to put into words and encapsulates them perfectly.

  • xadrez

    Poignantly beautiful. Wow. Thank you.

  • AreZee Isme

    Thank you for this, Infants. I absolutely lost it when the General Conference episode ended with this haunting and dead-on commentary .
    Perfection. Aching, painful perfection.

  • surfnk8

    I googled the term “so-called” because of all those sound bites. So-called is “Used to express one’s view that a name or term is inappropriate.” I’m recently coming to grips with how invalidating the church has been toward me and the LGBT community at large. I’ve realized this invalidation of me and my experience is abuse, mental and emotional abuse, and I have suffered deeply from its effects.

    My response: claiming myself, my true self, and letting nobody silence me. This month, I have born testimony from the pulpit of being a queer woman and of the need for LGBT, and especially LGBT youth, to have better answers for their lives than loneliness, and the need for more love from people within the church. In relief society, I recounted my story of the Spirit’s guidance in influencing me to come out of the closet and the challenge it was, and that I wouldn’t have come out otherwise. If it makes others uncomfortable, so be it. I’ve been uncomfortable my whole life keeping it in.

    • LDS, Inc. should always be referred to as “the so-called Church.”

  • Mab

    This is brilliant. I’m a huge Heather fan. Thank you!

  • Doug

    Wow, this got me right in the feels.

  • Lost in Canada

    Love, love, love!!!
    Thank you Heather.

  • Ian

    Amazing! Thank you for this

  • Britt

    This hurts my heart. While I am happy that the policy change gave me the courage to leave (and most importantly, pull my kids before they become indoctrinated), hearing this only reminds me of the deep anguish I still feel over being cut off from a religion for whom I devoted 35 years of my life to, only to be ostracized in the end for my femaleness, my intellectualism, my not perfectly heterosexual self. When does the pain of the break up end?

  • Riccardo Ugolini

    BEST EPISODE EVER (at least from the 6-8 months I’ve been listening)
    …As you can tell the others must have fairly good too as I keep coming back😀 but this episode I couldn’t stop listening and even relistened to get all the gags, great impressions and slickly written jibes that just kept coming and made me say YES! EXACTLY!…while laughing all at the same time😊
    For production value and creative expression you guys should STOP DROP AND ROLL because YOU’RE ON FIRE‼️
    …And as for the last 5min “Creep” well if you keep this level up you better start a MORMON SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE👊🏻

  • coryfklein

    Please publish this on YouTube for easier sharing.

  • Lance M.

    I LOVE!, LOVE!!, LOVE!!! This! PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE…make this into a music video!! I want to see pictures/video of hurting LGBT people and then overlay the video portion of these “so-called” prophet’s of God speaking such vile hate. It would be powerful. You all are AWESOME! Keep up the great work!

  • Lissa Brox

    New to this and clueless, can I get links to the sound bytes, especially the Holland ones? Thanks!

  • Jamie Wood

    Like many others I was also deeply impacted by this song. Thanks, Heather.

  • Ryan Lee

    Well done. Beautiful. An anthem for the disaffected.

  • Brett Wells

    Oh my goodness! This needs to be made into a video we can share all over the place!

  • Russ Pirie

    Wow. Well done! And NO, I am not crying … no … I’m not … really, no … the roof is leaking.

  • Linda Brenner

    Profoundly challenging and healing.

  • Melanie

    Beautiful and moving. Thank you.