Ep 425 – Females on Sexual Misconduct

Panel Discussion

Posted November 26th, 2017

To send or not to send this dick pic? Heather and friends Kathleen, Angela, and Susan eventually (be patient) tackle these and other immortal issues such as giving feedback to unintentionial harassers, victim blaming, the relative hotness of Han and Leah, and the role of economic independence in sexual politics.


  • A very good discussion, but I kind of get the impression that none of you are the kind of women who were going to take shit from anybody anyway. You sound like good role models.

    I’m not absolutely sure what the deal is with actor nudity. Neither Nicole Kidman nor Kate Winslet (who are pretty big deals) have EVER been shy about taking their clothes off for the camera. I guess you could say that that’s what got them where they are, but others seem to have gone as far without doing nude scenes. Still others like Scarlett Johansson and Kristen Stewart never appeared nude until they were already richer than the Pope and didn’t have to care what anyone thought. Go figure. Nudity DOES sell tickets and it’s mostly men who care. You got that right.

    Yes, provide feedback. Always. It is SO fucking humiliating when you find out you’ve been doing or assuming something forever and no one would tell you to keep from hurting your feelings. They don’t want to hurt your feelings so they devastate you instead. Be the person who will tell a guy that he has scrambled egg in his beard or a woman that she has lipstick on her nostril. But only tell them. To pick egg out of someone’s beard or wipe a lipstick smudge off their face without their permission could easily be interpreted as harassment.

    Dick pics are a really bad idea. Besides possibly offending the bejesus out of someone, that shit is on the web FOREVER and don’t you think it isn’t. You think you’re sending a dick pic to your intended, but there’s a very good chance that you’re also sending it to your future employers, admissions committees at universities, your ex-wife’s attorney, the very children you’re fight her for custody of, etc., etc. Don’t do it. Ever. Who knows, though, maybe by the time Millennials are running the country, people will be putting dick pics on Christmas cards and it just won’t be a thing.

    • Oh the tyranny of politeness. My grad school roommate spent decades eating beets made especially for her at her grandma’s house because she once told her politely that the beets were really yummy. She HATED beets.

  • Uri

    This is episode was completely irrelevant to me. I have only ever wanted someone to be sexually inappropriate with me but it has never happened and almost guarantee it never will. Hearing people complain about something I have wanted all my life just makes me sad.

  • Duke of Earl Grey

    Oh jeez, this is kind of awkward, but I feel I have to tell you, Carrie Fisher’s Star Wars character is Leia, not Leah, and it’s pronounced “LAY-uh” instead of “LEE-uh”. To be fair, even the guy at the end of Episode IV who’s giving the X-Wing pilots their flight instructions refers to her as Princess “LEE-uh”, so I can understand any confusion. Probably, Leia had known the guy for years, and it was too embarrassing to start correcting him now…

  • JEM

    Excellent if uncomfortable discussion for me. Couple comments:
    1) As a 50+ year old man, it bothered me to hear several of you agree with not confronting the 60+ year-old boss. It’s exactly this that causes anxiety among many privileged white men I know. I’ve never knowingly sexually harassed an employee, and consider myself a feminist ally, actively seeking out and promoting women in my mostly male-dominated industry. Of course I know where the ‘bright’ lines are (e.g., touching, threatening, etc). But in an era of changing boundaries, managers can be less positive about where the grey starts. So much of business depends on strong professional relationships, and if I can’t trust that an employee will tell me if I’m making her uncomfortable, I’m likely to be more formal and stand-offish, which isn’t good for her or the company. It’s great to see women confronting their harassers, and so far, most if not all of the accusations have been stupid shit that merits a reprimand (i.e., Franken’s picture) or horrendous behavior that is either criminal or should cost the man his job. But the line is moving, and it’s not irrational to have that niggling apprehension that something that passed as innocuous twenty years ago will be dredged up as egregious today.
    2) Please don’t laugh at sexually harassing a 17-year old boy. Having been one, I can attest to the thrill of being considered an object of attraction by an older woman (i.e., a 20 something…), even if I mostly knew it was ‘teasing’. But I can also attest to the extreme confusion and embarrassment of knowing that I had little power to say ‘no’ to unwanted touching because that would socially brand me as a wimp, or gay, etc. A boy’s attitude toward bodily autonomy is best taught by respecting his.
    3) This is probably being pedantic because I know what the intent is, but that college guideline goes too far when it requires that acceptable sexual activity must be mutually enthusiastic. I was MUCH less than enthusiastic the first few times I engaged cunnilingus, and I was objectively bad at it. Enthusiasm developed, however, with gaining skill and discovering how to please my partner (and feeding off her enthusiasm!), and it has become a favorite activity. OTOH, when we first experimented with anal intercourse, it was 100% consensual and mutually agreed to, but my partner was understandably apprehensive. Neither of us ever became particularly enthusiastic about it, but it was hardly wrong to have tried it.

  • Bill

    Consent = “Hell yes” and a high five.

  • Kin

    What is up with batman!?