Dr. Wendy and the Perfectionsim

Interview

Posted July 2nd, 2017

Glenn and Tom are joined by listener and licensed therapist Dr. Wendy to discuss a BYU article on Perfectionism (yes, it is intentionally misspelled in the title, cuz that is so incrdbly hillaryous) and to pitch an idea for a possible new series that may or may not be the best thing since self-slicing bread.

Glenn

Tom

  • Zeke

    Well, i sure learned a lot from dr wendy, “Mormon culture is sick but all cultures are sick so, sign up for mormonism and stick it out. If you attend church every sunday and all the meetings, over a lifetime you have a chance of making the culture less toxic.”

    “God will be so impressed by your sacrifice and contributions He will certainly have a spot reserved for you in the celestial kingdom.”

    jeez, great sales pitch, can any one join???

    • Wendy Perry Music

      Thanks for your feedback Zeke. I’m afraid I don’t count on making it to the CK, as I don’t go to church much anymore. As long as I’m staying kind of “IN” because of my grandchildren, I thought I would try to help in some way. If I leave I will lose some ability to guide them through future perils. It’s tough for grannies who raised these TBM kids and now have the grandkids growing up in the church. I’m really just hanging in there. I loved your comment about the dorm rooms and the bridge to Jesus. funny.
      Let’s talk sick cultures. Is there ANY shit in the ex-moron brownie pie? hmmm. I wonder if some future podcast could shed some light on how Mormon AND ex-Mormon’s exploit LGBT issues? I wonder if there is any blame to be spread around regarding the Nov. policy and how that all went down? I wonder. Interested in being a guest? W.

  • Allison Bryan

    Good heavens, no. Please don’t make this a series. Dr Wendy means well, but nope. Exceptionally frustrating listen. Five stars to you both for hanging in there as long as you did. I stayed with you out of sympathy but wouldn’t do it a second time. Still, kudos for always being willing to try something new. Moving right along….

    • Zeke

      Agreed, I feel like i got so much professional help in this one episode that maybe i need to sign up for therapy to aid in recovery……………

  • Simon

    I thought this was an interesting episode to follow-on from Matt’s vigorous denunciation of those encouraging LGBT allies to remain in the LDS church so as to support the outcasts. Although the reasoning Wendy, Bill, (and John Dehlin, and quite a few of his guests provide) is unconvincing because whatever support these people provide is counterpoised by their tacit approval of the institution as a whole.

    I’m just wondering if another approach might be better: Doesn’t the Community of Christ offers all the good things that people claim to derive from their LDS membership? Isn’t it LGBT friendly… doesn’t it provide women with meaningful leadership opportunities… doesn’t it allow non-member family to attend weddings?

    I would love to hear John Hamer putting this as an option to those who don’t like what the LDS church is doing but can’t bring themselves to go ‘cold-turkey’.

  • David Johnson

    I applaud Glen and Tom for hanging in there. It give IOT credibility for not being a total echo chamber. You two earned podcasting cred points. The thing that stood out for me was Wendy calling out the professional community to be unbiased in treating Mormon/exmos patients. However, it was telling when Glen asked her point blank if it wouldn’t be better to advise someone to get out of a toxic environment than to suffer through it. She replied, paraphrasing, if all of us leave who will be left to help change it? I felt she was advocating people to endure unnecessary pain to help the church evolve. Life is too short for that…Dr. Wendy, your bias was showing.

  • DB Cooper

    I loved Dr. Wendy. Bring her on more. I loved her sense of humor. I loved her perspective. I loved her laugh. I enjoyed the banter between Dr. Wendy and the gang. You guys always do better when you have a woman on. They keep you on your toes and showing better behavior. I wish you had more Heather and that you could being back Chelsea once in a while. Dr. Wendy is a keeper.

    And no, I’m not her relative and I have never met her.

    • Wendy Perry Music

      Thanks D.B. When I was going through faith crisis, Matt’s laugh and the other’s helped me through so much. And to Matt, you have the absolute best laugh in the universe. Bring more! …W.

  • Jose Galdamez

    I definitely concede Wendy’s point that not having to deal with perfectionist doctrine can alleviate some depressive tendencies. Here’s my story of going through therapy/mental health medication as a TBM vs. no therapy and being out of the church.

    Seven years ago, I felt like I couldn’t cope with all the pressure of finding an LDS spouse, remaining active, going to school, and so on. I saw a psychiatrist, and got put on a medicine called Zyprexa. Taking that instantly made me fast-talking, super outgoing, and unable to sleep. My psychiatrist took me off the meds after I had a nervous breakdown. Years later I went to therapy when, once again, I felt like I was in a Mormon rut: no temple recommend, still single in my early 30’s, lots of life stress, etc. I felt like it helped a little, but wasn’t quite enough.

    Three years ago, I did get married, and a month after our sealing we went through our months-long crisis of faith. When my wife and I stopped attending LDS church services, the first place we went to was a non-denominational church. The first thing we were taught by Christian missionaries was that saying the proper prayer once would ensure our salvation. Our obedience to commandments would determine our status as disciples, but discipleship is not required for salvation. There is no such thing as having a current “disciple recommend.” Nobody cares either way.

    Even though I lean agnostic these days, not dealing with the guilt has helped our household in immense ways. We are both living much happier and more social lives. We don’t even attend Christian church that much anymore, and it’s all good.

    I agree with Glenn that leaving the toxic environment is about the best thing you can do for yourself. Some people may feel the urge to stay behind and reform from within. I personally don’t think it’s worth it. The institution has rather effective means of suppressing insurgent uprisings. Plus, what better way to vote than with your feet and wallet?

  • Ron Hill

    The result of my faith crisis in Mormonism began in the fall of 1997 with me going all out insane at the ripe old age of 34, when Mormonism no longer worked for me, after all I could do to fix it. Mormonism and much of its unyielding perfectionism (and lying to attain it – the church lying, not me) was not suited for me nor my personality, since when you lie to me I get very angry and tell you just where the bear shits in the woods, in my Mormon trained passive aggressive “testimony” with the truth bearing of things no one in love with their religion (aka confirmation bias) wants to hear, especially in Sunday school of over the pulpit.

    Sorry Wendy, but I saw much of your commentary which advocated “staying in and working through the issues” as deluded. You cannot help people with their mental health issues while in the church IF the source of those issues stems from the unflinching and intransigent, yet oft ambiguous, “Mormon Doctrine”. The crazy is cooked into that puddin’ love. 🙂