Ep 185 – Church House Rock: Polly Polly Gamy

Posted June 12th, 2015

Listener Mike Leavitt magnified his response to the Infant challenge and created this amazing Church House Rock parody. Listen in.

  • Orrin Dayne

    (Standing Ovation)

  • Dave G

    This was the highlight of my otherwise sucky day.

  • Sent me running for headphones so I could make out all of the lyrics (they go by so fast). That was a hoot, Mike!

    • Michael Leavitt

      Here’s the lyrics. Even I have a tough time understanding what I sing sometimes.

      Poly Poly gamy get your next wife here
      Poly Poly gamy lets follow our seer
      Poly Poly gamy you can commandeer
      Any girl you need. Lets go spread our seed the way that God commanded

      Poly Poly gamy get your next wife here
      Got a lot of lolly jolly new wives here
      Joseph Smith decreed and he has made it absolutely cleeeeaaar

      And angel with a sword (Joseph Smith) “Threatened my life if I didn’t follow him”

      Polygamy restored (JS) “But it’s ok. Can’t prove I fucked all of ‘em”

      God needs us to follow him by banging dozens of girls quite secretly which sounds kind of crazy but it’s not just trust us ladies

      Poly Poly gamy get your next wife here
      Mother, sister, daughter, whatever you prefer
      Gotta lotta wives for you to puppeteer
      so be a poly.

      (Joseph Smith Sr.) Hi folks, this is Joe Sr saying we have every help meat in the books so come on down and look

      (JS) Hello Folks, Joe Jr again. Suppose your is already married. How are you gonna marry her too? That’s where the prophet comes in. I can send her old bloke on a mission so you can step in and do your thing.

      (Random) Hi, suppose you’re going wife gathering and your first wife starts to wine and complain. Just use D&C 132 and tell her…


      Girls almost 15 are like a total score
      Just promise God will bless her family so much more
      With eternal life and all she needs to do
      is marry you and live happily with 30 other wives

      If you feel ashamed well here’s the greatest part
      God says we can lie about it so take heart
      No one’s gonna know until you’re dead and gone
      and even theeeeeeen…
      We’ll do our best confusing posterity by claiming that clarity comes from totally avoiding the subject

      Poly Poly gamy get all your wives here
      Quickly quickly quickly get those wifeys here
      Slowly, surely, really get a new wife here
      You’re gonna need ‘em to obey God’s all new and everlasting covenant

      (Announcer Dude) If it’s gotta vagina we’ll match her with a poly. Bring along any questions and any doubts you have too. We’ll answer them with our nifty little prepackaged rationalizations
      (Chorus) Get your answers here
      (AD) Lots of good tricks for polys so come on down
      (Chorus) Poly poly gamy
      (AD) If you don’t want to you don’t even have to tell you first wife
      (Chorus) Poly poly gamy
      (AD) Put conditions on salvation
      (Chorus) Poly poly gyny
      (AD) Compare and contrast women
      (Chorus) Poly poly andry
      (AD) Enrich your life with multiple wives
      (Chorus) Poly poly amory
      (JS) Besides they’re absolutely free
      (Chorus) Poly poly gamy
      (AD) Fuck 10 virgins
      (Chorus) without committing adultery

      • Krystal

        Brilliantly done!

  • Randy_Snyder

    Mike, you got some mad skills brah! Well done.

  • Michael Leavitt

    Thanks, I appreciate it. Joseph just made it too easy.

  • Lane Sawyer

    This was awesome! It’s inspired me to make my own. I’m using “No More Kings” to make “No More Church”.

    However, I’m having trouble finding a karaoke version of the track. How’d you guys get yours?

    • Glenn

      That’s the real trick, Lane. John and I both found the instrumental versions for Preamble and Elbow Room on YouTube. There is a karaoke site that sells 5 or 6 others, but I don’t think they have No More Kings. Maybe that’s where Mike got Polly Polly Polly from. I think we are going to have to make our own backing track for Dave’s “Figure 8” idea.


      • Lane Sawyer

        Damn. I was hoping you’d have a secret site you found that I just hadn’t stumbled across yet 🙁

        • Glenn

          Maybe we do. What’s the password?

          • Lane Sawyer


            No, wait! Is it “Pretty please make one for No More Kings if you end up finding someone awesome to make you a Figure 8 backing track”? 😀 (But not really)

            Guess I’m just going to go fool around with Audacity for a while and hope I can extract the audio haha

      • Michael Leavitt

        Yeah that’s the same website I used to find the karaoke version of lolly lolly lolly. I was lucky it was there cause I sure couldn’t find it anywhere else.

        • Craig Keeling

          Wow it sounded like you did it from scratch, even more impressive 😀

    • Michael Leavitt

      Here’s the website I used but like Glenn said there aren’t many song options on it. http://www.karaoke-version.com/mp3-backingtrack/schoolhouse-rock/

    • In ancient times, there was a technique expounded in now-defunct hobbyist magazines like Popular Electronics and Radio Electronics whereby one would take the two sides, left and right, of a stereo track and combine them with each other out of phase to eliminate the vocals. These were called “De-Vocalizers,” or whatever. The theory was that on most pop music tracks, the main vocals were mixed in the middle and the backing instruments were delegated, more or less, to one side or the other. When the sides were combined out of phase, anything mixed to the center would cancel and drop out, leaving only the backing instrumentals that had been mixed left or right, then you could replace the lead vocalist with your own voice karaoke-style. As you can imagine, the success of such a scheme depends on a) the track being stereo in the first place and b) the producers of the original track mixing it in a cooperative fashion. I never tried one of these things because I had no desire to eliminate Lind Ronstadt from a recording that I had expressly purchase in order to listen to Lind Ronstadt.

      I have no idea what sort of results you could expect on audio tracks from old TV shows (were they even made in stereo?), but I think this could be tried fairly quickly and easily using some pretty rudimentary sound software. I’m just sayin’ . . .

      • Lane Sawyer

        Yeah, I’ve already run it through Audacity’s built in “Vocal Remover” plugin (which does the process you described) and it failed terribly haha. I only used the defaults though, so I’m going to start tweaking the settings and see what I can get.

  • carabellie

    What a great surprise! I enjoyed this gem 5 times on my way to work this morning. Loved it Mike! Your lyrics, characters and inflection caused my bosom to burn and my belly to jiggle. Thanks man!

  • Blindbutnowisee

    Proclamation nation know your station
    I was a commandment, now I’m hate speech
    Proclamation nation know your station
    I got three favorite words that get most of my job done
    Proclamation nation know your station
    I got God, family and marriage, they’ll get you pretty far
    God! That’s who we believe calls the shots
    Family! That’s only for those we deem acceptable
    And then there’s Marriage! That’s only for men and women
    God Family and Marriage, get you pretty far
    Proclamation nation know your station
    Spewing out hate speech without and apology
    Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve, man and wife
    Hey that’s nice!
    calamities foretold
    by modern prophets
    Losing your mind and a convert or two.
    It’s sad we wrote this, sad but true,

  • Mary Lema Child

    This was so great, Mike! I laughed out loud while alone (barefoot in the kitchen) cooking dinner. I’ve got many more barefoot-in-the-kitchen nights ahead, as my priesthood-power hubby is frequently out conquering the world (and inflation), so I beg you to please do what you can to keep these gems coming. Some of us women-folk are depending on you to provide for our many temporal needs- not the least of which is “distraction from reality” while we set about the task of managing our divinely-appointed domestic affairs. Many thanks for reminding me that although my current state of total-dependency-on-a-man is shameful, things could be a whole lot worse! La la la, girls almost 15 are like a total score, la la la…. Only Infants could make me laugh at such grotesque realities. Love you guys!

  • Craig Keeling

    Dude, I can’t stop listening! I love the Velvet Goldmine/David Bowie feel you gave it. Seriously, so so well done!!

  • therealjeaniebeanie

    Oh please put the Stephen Hawking voice to rest! Otherwise funny!

    • Glenn

      Well here’s the thing, real jeanie beanie… I have 5 kids in a 2400 sq ft house, and sometimes (often) that means there is no quiet place to record a quick introduction. But if I can type it, and have the voice simulator on my computer “read” it, then I can move forward with the intro I need and publish the episode. I also really loved my speak and spell when I was a kid, and cracked myself up making it say I-C-U-P — and this is sort of my way of reconnecting with that old orange thing. So it has some very practical uses, U-C.

      But we didn’t say it was Stephen Hawking this time. You did. So deal with it. I’m sure you can do it. O-K?

  • Brad R

    My cries in the wilderness were heard and the Infants did reveal a great hymn from on high, yea, that great hymn of church house rock, and the foundation of the rock was exceedingly solid.

  • All I can say is……WOW. Mike Leavitt, you did an amazing job!!! (Not to say Glenn and John that yours weren’t amazing.) But well, let’s be honest. Mike made both of you look like deacons, while he looked like a GA.

    I was laughing in my car, like I do with most IOT episodes.

  • Tim

    Absolutely fantastic, Mike! Your voice, inflections, and spot on parody are amazing.

  • Chad

    Listened to this one again today. Really good stuff. Very funny.

  • Phebzs

    Love Love Love this….and a bonus I know Mike’s wife. The one that let Mike, “choose” to stay and home and thus sending him on his horrific pathway.
    I wish more people would be as cool as this family!!!!

  • Diana Stahl

    I still love this one, thanks Mike, you’re a genius. I go back to this masterpiece every few months and get a good laugh. My sister left a polygamous marriage long ago with a station wagon full of little ones and she also had a healthy laugh over your rendition of one of our favorite Saturday morning songs. I can’t thank you enough for this.