Posted August 6th, 2017

What does it mean to say you are sorry? What does it take to accept someone else’s apology? Listen in as Tom poses these questions to the most important people in his life. This is the first in an upcoming series on Apologies, Grudges, and forgiveness.

A video version of this presentation, with the slides Tom showed to the live audience, is available here on our Patreon page:



  • Rick

    I liked the episode. I’m easy to please though. I’m a little curious as to which episodes you guys have put out that Tom thinks are “bigger duds” than this. Not that I think this is a dud, I just can’t think of any duds right now. Maybe I blocked them from my memory.

  • Melissa

    What do you do when an emotionally abusive person demands an apology from you for what they did, as a power play? I said I was sorry they felt that way, because I honestly didn’t think I’d done anything wrong. I didn’t think I could legitimately take responsibility. I’ve apologized many times to this person, who is good at convincing me that I’m in the wrong. Now, with therapy, I’m starting to realize that this behavior is called gas lighting and that the things I do and desire that have been labeled as wrong or hurtful, are actually normal and healthy. That’s not to say I always handle things well. I have a tendency to call people on their guff, partly out of spite and exhaustion, but partly to get people to think about their actions. However, this person will never shift their paradigm enough to realize that their ways cause systematic harm to others, let alone give a sincere apology or change their behavior. I need to change mine, to stop giving them chances to think, because that is only giving them more chances to hurt me.